


Vanilla

by elletromil



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, F/M, Ficlet, First Meetings, Sex Talk, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: All Eggsy wants is a good fuck.Tilde would be more than happy to provide.
Relationships: Tilde/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Vanilla

**Author's Note:**

  * For [solrosan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solrosan/gifts), [InsaneRedDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Lime Green](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670634) by [solrosan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solrosan/pseuds/solrosan). 



> So when Rosa started talking about her sex shop AU, I thought about this ficlet and I told her that if she wrote her fic, I would write this one for her. Well here it is darling ;)
> 
> A big thank you to Red for helping me out with this <3

Tilde has heard so much about Kingsman and its toys since she’s moved to London that it was only a question of time before she paid the sex shop a visit.

She didn’t expect for the shop to feel so cozy, but she’s not complaining. Especially not when she sees the wide variety of toys on offer. Getting lost among the shelves will not be a hardship.

Not that she feels any shame about asking for help, but the thing is, she doesn’t know what she is looking for yet and she doesn’t want to disturb the two clerks who are busy re-shelving.

That and she doesn’t want to give the wrong impression. How was she to know that the guy she had exchanged flirty smiles with at the coffee shop this morning was working here? It’s seriously a coincidence but who would believe her?

Anyway, he doesn’t seem to have recognized her or maybe he simply has not noticed her yet.

And really, it shouldn’t matter, but somehow, it’s hard to focus on the choices of dildos in front of her when she can’t help but overhear him talking with the other clerk.

“He had a knife! A fucking _knife_! I swear Roxy, I’ll start lying about what I do soon.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone who isn’t a creep soon.”

“I’m not! You’re lucky you’re in a long-term relationship! Whenever I meet someone new either they judge me for working here or they think I’m into kinky shit and want to try it all. And you know me Rox, I’m very much a vanilla guy!”

“This is still more information about your sex life than I want to know Eggsy. I’m not Harry.”

Tilde’s not sure if she’s heard the name right, but if she did, she hopes it’s a nickname. She can only imagine the kind of jokes anyone named ‘Eggsy’ for real would have to live through.

She also wonders how worse his real name must be if he’d rather go by Eggsy.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry. But just… is fucking without ropes or wax too much to ask for?”

“Didn’t you tell me you like that time with the ropes and Amanda?”

“Yeah sure… Once in a while. But what I really want is a good fuck!” That's a plight she can totally understand. And it makes her realise just what is missing from her private toy collection. “Is it too much to ask for? Can’t a bloke get fucked anymore?”

And if that's not the perfect opening for her, she doesn't know what is.

“Well, if you find me your best strap-on, I could show you a good time.”

It's only when the two clerks turn around to face her, the woman -- Roxy? -- frowning with something like reproach, that she realises this wasn't really the place for that kind of joke.

She feels herself blush slightly with mortification.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate,” she apologizes quickly, raising her hands as if it will do anything to convince them of her remorse. “I’m just going to go and-”

“No!” She jumps slightly in surprise at the interruption and Eggsy is blushing now, probably because he didn't want to sound so forceful. She sees Roxy give Eggsy a look, before the woman shakes her head in what can only be exasperation.

“Oh look, those shelves at the other side of the shop need restocking. I’ll leave you both to it.” But before she can walk past Tilde she stops and gives her what is best described as a warning glare. “He doesn’t do kinky stuff okay.”

“Rox!”

But she ignores him completely and continues walking away.

Which leaves them both more or less alone together.

“I meant what I said, I'm really sorry,” Tilde smiles rather sheepishly, still feeling the need to explain herself. “It was a joke in rather poor taste.”

The somewhat shy smile that had started appearing on Eggsy's lips disappeared, disappointment flashing in his eyes for a brief second. “Nah, it's okay. It would have been far from the worst pick-up line I've heard. If you'd follow me.”

He sounds so professional, not quite so cold as _distant_ and really, maybe Tilde should leave it alone, but the other clerk seemed to think there could be something there. And Tilde is never one to let an opportunity pass.

“Well, I meant it as a joke, but mostly because you work here and I'm a client. Harassment sucks.”

“Oh.” Eggsy stops, understanding obviously dawning on him and gives Tilde an unmistakable once-over. “I usually don't put out without a date first?”

“Are you free tomorrow night?” She asks without an ounce of hesitation. Her coworkers won't mind if she skips the after-work drinks if it's for a date.

“I'm free,” he grins and Tilde can't quite hold back her pleased giggle. “Now, if you'll follow me,” he sounds playful this time, which is much more to her liking, “we'll find you that strap-on.”


End file.
